Fainting in Coyles An occasional letter from the
Heart of Euroville
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
In the beginning.... God created heaven and earth.
Quickly, He was faced with an infringement procedure for failure to file an environmental impact statement pursuant to Directive 82/337. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with a cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Appearing in front of the High Level Group set up to study the issue, God was asked why he began His earthly project in the first place. He replied that He just liked to be creative.
Then God said "Let there be light", and immediately the officials demanded to know how the light was to be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming no smoke would result from the ball of fire; that He would obtain a building permit subject to the standard planning permissions procedures of the different Member States; and to conserve energy, would have the light half the time.
God agreed and said He would call the light Day and the darkness Night. Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics, but he had better contact the _Terminologie et appuis linguistiques_ of the SdT (Translation Service) for advice.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed." The SCOF (Standing Committee on Organic Farming) agreed so long as non-genetically-modified-seed was used.
Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and fowl that may fly over the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Advisory Committee on the Protection of Animals, co-ordinated with the Joint Committee on Fishing and the Standing Committee on Management of Water.
Everything was OK until God said He wanted to complete the project in six days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the application and impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10 to 12 months before......
At this point God created Hell.